Well I'm trying to windle myself back down to where I was before I thru myself from the train! I have cut back but I'm not where I want to be or where I think I should be right now. It's my own fault. I was careless. I was careless with a love that if nurtured lasts lifetimes!
We all have that one thing that is implented deep inside of us by some of the relationships we experience in our lives. You know the ones. The ones who leave the scares. Anyway, I let mine get the best of me and got careless. I forgot Love IS in the Details! I got caught up at baggage claim with a 50pd wait in my suitcase and I showed out!
I am so lucky to have such a person in my life. She is the kind that requires a little something special because she gives so much special to everyone else. I forgot to show my gratitude for all that she does, and I forgot to make her feel as fabulous as she makes me feel!
I have been trying to figure out what made me JumP so hard with that suitcase! Why do I do that? It's that one thing that seems to follow me around no matter how hard I try to shack it. Luckily, she is true to her character and sees me not my scars. She believes in me and she knows I am capable of so much more. She is giving me the oppurtunity to learn to stay grounded and talk it out!
Thank you My Pocket Full of Sunshine. I refuse to let you down!
And The DiP ProjEct marches on
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Patience and Persistance..........
Ok, As all of you who actually read this know, I have fallen off the wagon and I have hit hard. I have dipped whenever I have wanted and I have bought a whole sleeve of dip this past week. Now, I will tell you I have had a rough week. A lot of unexpected events have occured and it has rocked me down to my core! So of course, I turned to an old friend. KODIAK.
I know that all of you are thinking It's ok, sometimes we hit bumps in the road and I thank you. But let's get real! It's time to quit playing around and looking for outside excuses to fail at this project. I want to do this for myself so I shouldn't let any outside events knock me of track. This is important to me for several reasons. One, it puts more money in my pocket; two, it's an unhealthy habit; three, I need to do this to show myself that I do still have the discipline to do what needs to be done!
Over the years I have said to myself; "Now Teresa, patience and persistance is the key." Every time I started to give up on finishing my degree I would tell myself not to give up. As long as I was patient, the way wold reveal itself. Be persistant. with what I wanted to accomplish, and I would find a way. I did, and I finished my degree. It felt very good to finish something that I had so much doubt in my ability to do, and I learned a lot about myself in that journey. I have been a College Athlete, A Ropes Course Facilitator, An EMT, A Teacher, A 911 Dispatcher, and A Varsity Coach. Just to name a few. I am a daughter, sister, cousin, neice, granddaughter, aunt, godmother, and a friend. I have a creative side that gives my life color, I love hard, and I am capable of many things.
It is important to me to continue this journey of self discovery and remember who I am. I must remember all those times that I thought that it was out of my reach, all those times I was ready to give up, all of those moments when I was ready to concede that I would never reach my goal. I must remember that sometimes you cannot force things you have to wake up every day and look for the gifts that have been given to you. I must practice patience and persistance in getting myself to the places I want to go because every day that I am breathing is a day that I can move closer to being the person I want to be.
I know that all of you are thinking It's ok, sometimes we hit bumps in the road and I thank you. But let's get real! It's time to quit playing around and looking for outside excuses to fail at this project. I want to do this for myself so I shouldn't let any outside events knock me of track. This is important to me for several reasons. One, it puts more money in my pocket; two, it's an unhealthy habit; three, I need to do this to show myself that I do still have the discipline to do what needs to be done!
Over the years I have said to myself; "Now Teresa, patience and persistance is the key." Every time I started to give up on finishing my degree I would tell myself not to give up. As long as I was patient, the way wold reveal itself. Be persistant. with what I wanted to accomplish, and I would find a way. I did, and I finished my degree. It felt very good to finish something that I had so much doubt in my ability to do, and I learned a lot about myself in that journey. I have been a College Athlete, A Ropes Course Facilitator, An EMT, A Teacher, A 911 Dispatcher, and A Varsity Coach. Just to name a few. I am a daughter, sister, cousin, neice, granddaughter, aunt, godmother, and a friend. I have a creative side that gives my life color, I love hard, and I am capable of many things.
It is important to me to continue this journey of self discovery and remember who I am. I must remember all those times that I thought that it was out of my reach, all those times I was ready to give up, all of those moments when I was ready to concede that I would never reach my goal. I must remember that sometimes you cannot force things you have to wake up every day and look for the gifts that have been given to you. I must practice patience and persistance in getting myself to the places I want to go because every day that I am breathing is a day that I can move closer to being the person I want to be.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
SQUIRREL..........
It has been a wild weekend for the dip project. Let me just tell you that I had this crazy idea Friday night. I ,being the impatient person I am, decided no more playing around. I had enough of this casually slipping in a dip ever so often to ease the urge! I was mad at myself. I want to put the dip away and not want it ever again. I announced that as of midnight I was done. No dip. It was over!!! Yeah RIGHT!!!! It was an Oscar worthy declaration..........
Ummm, until Saturday!
Pocket Full of Sushine's father has a new published book and we went to his book signing. Well, she laughed at me for the most of the day. She compared me to those doggies in that movie UP. You've seen the ads on TV right now. It's a movie released several months ago but they have been running ads like crazy because it's coming out on DVD. Anyway, in the movie there are these doggies that wear collars that allow them to speak English. They carry on very intelligent conversations but have one problem. Whenever, they see a squirrel they immediately become obssesed with the squirrel. They yell SQUIRREL lose all train of thought, chase the squirrel which then usually transform into some sort of chaos. It is very Funny. Well Saturday, I was like that with Dip! I was trying to stand tough! I made the declaration, I was the one that said no more dip but all I could think about was putting a dip in my mouth! Pocket Full of Sunshine would say something and I would just look at her because all I could think about was DIP! Finally, whenver she would say something I would respond by saying DIP, or I want a DIP, & hey, let's stop at the store so I can buy some DIP! It was crazy! All Pocket Full of Sunshine could do was look at me and laugh....... It was at this point she told me that I reminded her of those doggies! We both laughed because she had hit the nail right on the head.
Needless to say, I was able to restrain myself for most of the day. I did buy a can at the store on our way home, but walked around with it in my pocket for a long time before breaking! Almost 24hrs without a dip and I broke!!!!! Which lead to a couple more dips on Sunday.
I am a little disappointed in myself because I want to kick this habit. Today is a new day and I will try again. I wonder how many times I will make these silly declarations before it actually sticks? I can do this right????
We will see............. SQUIRREL!
Ummm, until Saturday!
Pocket Full of Sushine's father has a new published book and we went to his book signing. Well, she laughed at me for the most of the day. She compared me to those doggies in that movie UP. You've seen the ads on TV right now. It's a movie released several months ago but they have been running ads like crazy because it's coming out on DVD. Anyway, in the movie there are these doggies that wear collars that allow them to speak English. They carry on very intelligent conversations but have one problem. Whenever, they see a squirrel they immediately become obssesed with the squirrel. They yell SQUIRREL lose all train of thought, chase the squirrel which then usually transform into some sort of chaos. It is very Funny. Well Saturday, I was like that with Dip! I was trying to stand tough! I made the declaration, I was the one that said no more dip but all I could think about was putting a dip in my mouth! Pocket Full of Sunshine would say something and I would just look at her because all I could think about was DIP! Finally, whenver she would say something I would respond by saying DIP, or I want a DIP, & hey, let's stop at the store so I can buy some DIP! It was crazy! All Pocket Full of Sunshine could do was look at me and laugh....... It was at this point she told me that I reminded her of those doggies! We both laughed because she had hit the nail right on the head.
Needless to say, I was able to restrain myself for most of the day. I did buy a can at the store on our way home, but walked around with it in my pocket for a long time before breaking! Almost 24hrs without a dip and I broke!!!!! Which lead to a couple more dips on Sunday.
I am a little disappointed in myself because I want to kick this habit. Today is a new day and I will try again. I wonder how many times I will make these silly declarations before it actually sticks? I can do this right????
We will see............. SQUIRREL!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Letting go is so hard!
Yesterday was hard! I struggled quite a bit and actually had the white flag in my hand several times. Luckily, I did not wave it and was able to put it back down. I did dip, once before I went to bed last night. I am disappointed in myself but today is a new day and I am determined to beat this habit!
Dip appears to be like most things in my life. I hold on for dear life not able to just Let It go!!!! It has been my curse all my life. Kodiak is an old friend of mine, it has been with me for so much. Like most things, I question my ability to let it go!
Dip appears to be like most things in my life. I hold on for dear life not able to just Let It go!!!! It has been my curse all my life. Kodiak is an old friend of mine, it has been with me for so much. Like most things, I question my ability to let it go!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Changes to the Project
Changes have been made to the plan. No longer am I trying to phase the dip out. I am putting it down. I feel like by letting it be available I am enabling myself and it is time to just put it down for good! I'm done, moving on, putting this nasty habit to rest.
I'm tired of it controlling me and I am taking control back. This is ridiculous and I should be able to walk away. Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy!
Watchout, It's going to get rough for a while but I am determined to do this!
I'm tired of it controlling me and I am taking control back. This is ridiculous and I should be able to walk away. Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy!
Watchout, It's going to get rough for a while but I am determined to do this!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Amazing Relief
Went to the Chiropractor yesterday afternoon and it was fabulous!!! My left hip and left heel have been giving me trouble for some time now. Years of abuse from playing athletics. I have been trying to manage the problem for a while but I haven't found anything to make it go away. Well..... who knew that a chiropractor would be the answer.
First my hip was locked..... yeah I said it, LOCKED. It was not functioning as it should and had rotated out. It was very noticeable on my x-rays! Even my untrained eye noticed. My leg and hip were not acting independently of each other and were also causing my lower back to have problems. When he adjusted my hip I could hear angels and harps in the background! It was orgasmic!! Yeah, it really was.
My heel was also in a mess. Turns out the bone that runs across the front of your foot was out of alignment and my foot was not moving like it should causing my heal to pound the ground when I walk. Once Again, Adjustment was like HEAVEN. Once he snatched my foot back in place I was simply relieved!!!
He adjusted my neck as well, it was also something to write home about!!
Even this morning I can tell such a difference in my hip! A chiropractor, what a great idea my Pockett Full of Sunshine! You are such a positive punch in my life! I am forever grateful for your daily investment in me. I love you, your Sugar Baby Love!!
First my hip was locked..... yeah I said it, LOCKED. It was not functioning as it should and had rotated out. It was very noticeable on my x-rays! Even my untrained eye noticed. My leg and hip were not acting independently of each other and were also causing my lower back to have problems. When he adjusted my hip I could hear angels and harps in the background! It was orgasmic!! Yeah, it really was.
My heel was also in a mess. Turns out the bone that runs across the front of your foot was out of alignment and my foot was not moving like it should causing my heal to pound the ground when I walk. Once Again, Adjustment was like HEAVEN. Once he snatched my foot back in place I was simply relieved!!!
He adjusted my neck as well, it was also something to write home about!!
Even this morning I can tell such a difference in my hip! A chiropractor, what a great idea my Pockett Full of Sunshine! You are such a positive punch in my life! I am forever grateful for your daily investment in me. I love you, your Sugar Baby Love!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Week 2.....
Week 1 of the Dip Project is in the books and I'm proud to say that I think I did ok. The plan was 1 can a day fro 7 days. I'm happy to report I only used 5! I'm banking the money saved as I go, for whaterver, once this is done. I could have a good bit of cash stashed when this is over. I can use it to reward myself for putting this bad habit to rest.
I struggled at times this weekend. Especially Saturday. The weather was making everything seem so difficult. I just couldn't bring myself to go to Atlanta and splash around in the mud and rain. I stayed at home and watched some football. My Vols made me proud and love the Black Jerseys. I'm going to have to get me one of those!
Yesterday, I opted out of Pride as well. To be honest, I just didn't see the sense in it. What is the achievement of Pride?? What does Pride do for any us politically or financially? I need domestic partner benefits, I need a government that stands up for equal rights not rights for those that fit their mold! I need to see the difference in my everyday life not my nightlife! Plus, I have to be honest, I also just didn't feel like celebrating Pride. The last several Pride's I attended was with my wife at the time. Although it has been a year since the relationship ended I'm still finding it difficult to completely put everything in the Resolved Issues folder. We participated in the commitment ceremony at pride and took the opportunity to pledge our commitment to each other publicly before friends and family. What a crock! I should have took that stupid plaque with that stupid piece of paper (meant to serve as our marriage license)and gave it the ole heave ho into a river somewhere with the wedding ring, because it all turned out to be no more valuable than a bunch of party favors anyway! Sorry, like I said I'm finding it difficult to put everything to rest. What a waste.......
Oooops, I feel off the wagon. Please try and forgive me I'm still working on putting some feelings about the whole damn thing to bed. It's a process and regardless of this I am making positive steps forward with myself and life.
Either way, today is a new day. Today I'm working toward a better me! The second week of the dip project has begun! Wish me luck.............
I struggled at times this weekend. Especially Saturday. The weather was making everything seem so difficult. I just couldn't bring myself to go to Atlanta and splash around in the mud and rain. I stayed at home and watched some football. My Vols made me proud and love the Black Jerseys. I'm going to have to get me one of those!
Yesterday, I opted out of Pride as well. To be honest, I just didn't see the sense in it. What is the achievement of Pride?? What does Pride do for any us politically or financially? I need domestic partner benefits, I need a government that stands up for equal rights not rights for those that fit their mold! I need to see the difference in my everyday life not my nightlife! Plus, I have to be honest, I also just didn't feel like celebrating Pride. The last several Pride's I attended was with my wife at the time. Although it has been a year since the relationship ended I'm still finding it difficult to completely put everything in the Resolved Issues folder. We participated in the commitment ceremony at pride and took the opportunity to pledge our commitment to each other publicly before friends and family. What a crock! I should have took that stupid plaque with that stupid piece of paper (meant to serve as our marriage license)and gave it the ole heave ho into a river somewhere with the wedding ring, because it all turned out to be no more valuable than a bunch of party favors anyway! Sorry, like I said I'm finding it difficult to put everything to rest. What a waste.......
Oooops, I feel off the wagon. Please try and forgive me I'm still working on putting some feelings about the whole damn thing to bed. It's a process and regardless of this I am making positive steps forward with myself and life.
Either way, today is a new day. Today I'm working toward a better me! The second week of the dip project has begun! Wish me luck.............
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